Believing

Believing in myself
takes effort
every day

Have you ever woken up one day
in a metaphorical way~
the place you thought you had made it to...
was not quite where you were after all

it takes effort to look and see it still off in the distance..
still possible..
how far? how far, now...
have i been walking towards it?..
have all the efforts and emotions been moving me along
or
~ have i been standing still
has time been lost..days gone by ...searching in the wrong place...growing some only to have small droughts and storms take most of it away...

i have to believe i've made progress, though it sometimes feels like
starting over...square one..
now~
will it be as difficult?..
how long will it take?
to get where i thought i had already gotten to

please be easier this time, i think..
show me the way, i say to myself
and i know that i understand..
i had never fully deceived myself
well, not for very long anyway

oh how i am tempted to not show myself
to not be myself
to change myself
to feel badly for myself
to stop believing

that i can make a difference in some things in life..
maybe some things are out of our control...
so much chance involved...
so i think, stop working so hard..
resolve to take it easy ...
just be myself
and still
Believe