there is a place i'd rather go

it is a place of kinder understanding
a place of better balance
a place of truth and purity
a place called
home

Close but not quite

and i know ...
never again
will i work so hard for
"close, but not quite"
i hope i will not be
too weak..
to see...to know...
to be alone
for as long as it takes
to find you

i hope my eyes and heart will be open to see you
i hope chance favors me
and finally~ the joy of belonging

An Empty Spot

...or two

will you love me as much as i would love you
will you see me and will you ever get to know me
will you show me
will you hold my hand
will you show me your world
not just sometimes..
or once in awhile...
will you want me there, because the togetherness feels better
because you would not want it any other way

will i be more than a sunny time friend
someone to play a part
will i be the one
you love to be with

will you fill that empty spot ....or two
in my soul...
will i find a place ...my place ...
with you

Believing

Believing in myself
takes effort
every day

Have you ever woken up one day
in a metaphorical way~
the place you thought you had made it to...
was not quite where you were after all

it takes effort to look and see it still off in the distance..
still possible..
how far? how far, now...
have i been walking towards it?..
have all the efforts and emotions been moving me along
or
~ have i been standing still
has time been lost..days gone by ...searching in the wrong place...growing some only to have small droughts and storms take most of it away...

i have to believe i've made progress, though it sometimes feels like
starting over...square one..
now~
will it be as difficult?..
how long will it take?
to get where i thought i had already gotten to

please be easier this time, i think..
show me the way, i say to myself
and i know that i understand..
i had never fully deceived myself
well, not for very long anyway

oh how i am tempted to not show myself
to not be myself
to change myself
to feel badly for myself
to stop believing

that i can make a difference in some things in life..
maybe some things are out of our control...
so much chance involved...
so i think, stop working so hard..
resolve to take it easy ...
just be myself
and still
Believe